01. Introducing Rawish: Courageous Conversations to Unlock True Transformation

[00:00:00] Kate Eckman: Hi. It's Kate. Welcome to Rawish with Kate Eckman. I'm so happy you're here. We made it. It's launch day. It has been such a journey to get to this moment, and I'm just thrilled to have you here in the community and to connect with you here. I've already shot about 30, 35 episodes and they have been riveting.

[00:00:18] They've already made a huge impact on me. I can see how much I've changed and grown even in the past six months since I created Rawish and have been shooting the episodes and doing all the pre-production.

[00:00:28] And it hasn't been pretty at times. There's been a lot of tears, and stress, and anxiety, and frustration, and fears, and doubts, and all that emotional baggage that I've transmuted.

[00:00:38] As you can see and probably feel, I really have kind of dug through the mud and I know we've all dug through our own version of the mud in the past few years especially. So thank you for being here.

[00:00:50] I'm so thrilled for you to listen every Wednesday. We've got the solo episode today, and then we'll start with guest interviews and episodes next Wednesday, September 25th.

[00:01:00] So be sure to like, follow, and subscribe wherever you listen to your audio podcast, and of course over on YouTube. And please share this with friends and family, and anyone that you think could find value in connecting deeper with themselves and having some richer conversations. So that's really what it's all about.

[00:01:18] And I'm just thrilled to be on this mission with you. And if you think you would be a great guest and you're willing to really go there and do some deep truth and storytelling, I'd love to have you. Or maybe you know someone who would be a great guest for Rawish, please reach out to me at kate@kateeckman.tv and I'll connect with you over there. In the meantime, thanks so much for being here, and I hope you love this episode. We created it special just for you. Thank you.

[00:01:44] I am Kate Eckman, and I used to define myself by lots of labels like swimmer, all American, author, speaker, coach, sister, daughter, friend, all the labels, right? And with labels, I found come a lot of limitations and also expectations and something to live up to. And what does it even mean to be a award-winning author? What does it mean to be a TEDx speaker? What does it mean to be a daughter and have people to impress so that they love you? We all want mom and dad to love us.

[00:02:26] So I don't want to say it was an identity crisis, but I think when you spend your whole life with labels imposed upon you-- even woman, young girl, woman, that comes with a-- whew-- a lot of weight, a lot to carry.

[00:02:43] I think I just wanted to be known for something more than what I did for a living, or what I looked like or who I belong to. And so who am I? I'm someone who asks better questions. And that's what I intend to do with this show, is to ask deeper, more meaningful and fulfilling questions so that people can understand who they are at a deeper, more meaningful, more fulfilling level, and then share that.

[00:03:11] Then they start asking better questions and they become better listeners, and we start to really learn how to communicate and connect with one another. That is my mission. This really is wellness through truth and storytelling, and sharing that openly and vulnerably and authentically so that we can live lives where we actually know who we are independent of all the labels and titles and responsibilities and expectations.

[00:03:38] And when we know who we are, then we can decide what we really want independent of everybody else and start leaning into that love and that joy. My least favorite question in the world is also the one I get asked the most, which is, what do you do? And I'm finding I'm even now triggered by that question because my whole life has been about what I do and how that helps other people or makes other people feel good or makes me feel safe. Because if you're pleasing people, if you're impressing people, you feel safer in the world.

[00:04:20] And what happens when you're not performing at a high level? What happens when you're not impressing people or are doing any of that? And so that question really triggers me because it's that reminder of that's all that matters, that's all that I am. And here I am. I'm like, I'm this multifaceted woman and I'm such a lover and I have a pure heart and pure intentions, and I just want to hug everybody and save the world.

[00:04:44] So I want to ask questions that open the mind, that open the heart, that open the imagination, that get us excited to talk, make people have an expansive heart and mind and want to open up, make it easy for them to open up, make it exciting for them to open up and share and less scary and less icky.

[00:05:07] So ask better questions, you get better answers. And really bringing the joy by being okay with showing up, not looking my best all the time, and bringing the joy that it's joyful right now to have my hair back and just this old sweater I threw on without thinking much about it. And it's covering up my eczema, breakout I'm having because I've been stressed and I'm itchy, so I shouldn't have put on a sweater. But it's a nice sweater. I don't have a bra on and TMI.

[00:05:41] But it's so liberating to just show up as you are and not have to look perfect or sound perfect, whatever that even means. And I think it's just bringing the joy. It's just, I don't care how you perceive me or what you think. That's your business.

[00:06:00] This is what I got today on this day. Like it or not, I like it. And I like it because it feels good and it feels good because it's me. What does it even mean to be ourselves? People always say that. Just be yourself. And I think so many people struggle with just be yourself because nobody has any idea who they're.

[00:06:24] People don't know who they are. They've never dared to ask themselves. And nobody at the dinner party has dared to ask them, because they're too concerned of where do you live? What do you do? How many kids do you have? How long have you been married? What do you want for dinner? What do you want to drink?

[00:06:41] Permission. We need permission to be joyful. We've been told we need permission to take a break, to eat that thing, to have sex with that person, to be happy. You have to do a lot of things you don't want to do to be happy. That's what they tell us. It's like a secret. That's what they tell us. It's in the script they give us at birth.

[00:07:14] Then if you go off script like myself, a lot of people got a lot of say about you going off script. Makes them very uncomfortable because they couldn't go off script. They were scared to go off script. People may not like them. What are the neighbors going to say? What will my parents think? Those people at work going to talk about you?

[00:07:40] Permission to be joyful. Is that a thing? It is a thing, but it doesn't have to be a thing. But even that, being joyful, it's interesting. You're in a bad mood. You're not the life of the party, and people will point that out. You are not entertaining them. You're not fun. What did someone say to me?

[00:08:00] We're having different conversations now that you went through this hard thing. Basically you're not as fun. You're not filling me up as much. I have to hold space for you now and it's uncomfortable that thing you went through. I don't like that. I'm just trying to have a drink, and you're supposed to make me laugh.

[00:08:15] Why'd you have to go through that traumatic thing? And then when you are joyful, when it's innately who you are, you've given yourself permission even though you didn't need it. Then it's like, why are you so happy? Must be nice to be you. It's because you're blonde. It's because you're white. It's because you're pretty. It's because you're a woman. It's because you have resources. It's because you have this family. It's because you live here. It's because you're in that neighborhood. It's because your job. Must be nice. Must be nice is such a victim response. Must be nice is such a horrible thing to say to anybody, especially somebody you like. We got to do better with each other.

[00:08:59] And then I think people have even sometimes a fear of joy or a fear of success because I'm like, if I'm joyful, if I'm successful, my friends won't like me. They'll make comments to me like, must be nice. I'll feel lonely. So I better like not be so successful or joyful and just in and tone it down and dumb it down. Fuck that. That's what we're not doing. That's what we're not doing.

[00:09:28] And even saying these things out loud, it makes me just want to shine brighter and be happier, not fake. There's moments I'm not happy, and I see that through. And when I sit with it, I move into a place of not even happiness, but just of acceptance and growth and respect for myself that I was able to sit with something difficult.

[00:09:45] My ideal guest is someone who is willing and able to show up as their authentic selves. And that sounds really generic, and I think people struggle with who that really is. And I think when people show up on a podcast or in any public forum, there is this notion of, I have to show-- it's almost like we send our representatives. I call myself the show pony.

[00:10:14] It's like the show pony. And for me the show pony looks a certain way. She dresses a certain way. Her hair and makeup is a certain way. Her nails are a certain way. I'm getting this image. The word that just came to mind is stoic. And I'm like, whoa.

[00:10:31] And again, it was this week even being in this space of, I don't care about this stuff anymore. I've switched identities. Again, you work your butt off and you spend all your time, energy, money in this process of healing and reflecting and all the wellness treatments and the coaches and the healers and the therapists, and you're making all this progress and you get to a place of everything that was important to me or most of what was important to me that I based my whole identity on, if I'm being honest, I don't care about it anymore.

[00:11:14] That's a really powerful and scary and heartbreaking place to be because it feels like you're starting over and it's like, well, wait a minute. And then you hear people say this and you see the quotes about what people on their deathbed talk about, and it resonates I wish I wouldn't have worked so hard. I wish I would've spent more time with my friends.

[00:11:44] And it's interesting because if I'm being honest, in this moment, most or all of my career success doesn't really mean that much to me. That's hard because I've spent my whole life working on it and it doesn't really matter. I'm more filled up by this conversation than a career accolade. We are validated and labeled as good enough, successful enough, or even really good and really successful, really impressive, and we want all that because we think it makes us safe. Really what we want is safety. And some of us have rarely, if ever, felt safe going all the way back to childhood, really safe, physically safe, perhaps, psychologically safe, emotionally safe.

[00:12:59] I think that's why so many people struggle with the relationship with themselves and with others. They don't feel safe within their own body and their own environment. They don't feel safe with the way this person is loving them or not loving them. They don't feel safe with the way they're being treated. They don't feel safe walking down the street because of their gender, sexuality, race. They don't feel safe being honest.

[00:13:26] Why do you keep betraying yourself? Why do you keep self-sabotaging? Why do you keep loving people who are unable to love you back? Why are you valuing money over your marriage? Why are you valuing material success over inner peace?

[00:13:51] I get very emotional because I don't really wish this or mean this at all, but it would be much easier if I was satisfied or okay with a more status quo existence where I stayed in the same town, same job, marriage, whatever, and didn't do this healing work or journey, didn't question these things, but I was that kid from birth.

[00:14:20] It was never enough, like, the sky is blue. Well, why? Or I no longer love this person. Why? This person is president. Why? This person is very successful. Why? And what is successful? Is successful to whom? What are the criteria? I was asking these questions as a child because a lot of stuff wasn't making sense to me.

[00:14:47] These are the conversations I want to have, and I know not everyone is going to be willing to have them or listen to them, which is exactly why I need to do it. Because people aren't asking you the questions that would elicit these type of reflective, deep, beautiful answers where you think, oh, I just actually even learned something new about myself. Wow.

[00:15:12] Because you have the space. You've been asked the question. It feels safe enough to be really seen for who you are, not the representative, not the mask, not where everybody else wants or expects you to be. That's been really hard for me, and it's really painful, I think, for a lot of people, self-included.

[00:15:34] When you do the growth and the healing where you now feel safe to be that person and that person pisses off mom and dad, that person pisses off your partner, that person pisses off the CEO at work because you're outshining that person now, you are no longer able to be controlled or manipulated.

[00:15:55] People don't like that. So you're going to feel like you made the wrong choice. Something's wrong with you. You're bad. You're not enough. And it's lonely. It's lonely, but it's only lonely for a period of time until the new people come in and the new opportunities. And you will find, I promise you this, it is a totally different caliber of person who enters your life.

[00:16:24] And there's going to be a little bit of adjustment because you're like, gosh, this person's actually listening to me. This person cares that I went through that traumatic thing and even offers some support.

[00:16:37] I think part of Rawish is I'm okay offending people. I'm really okay making people outrageously uncomfortable. If I do, I've done my job, and you're welcome because it's so much deeper than toning it down or dumbing it down or having to be less because they don't want to be more.

[00:17:02] And I think what's good about this too is the people who will never acknowledge that they like the show, listen to the show, watch the show, but will watch it and, great. I love that voyeurism aspect of it of they can even watch it secretly or privately and never support me or the show, but they are listening to it.

[00:17:28] And even if it gets them to think or feel-- think, fine. I think feel differently or feel it all, I've done my job. And we go back to labels and job titles, and this other speaker and author, Beth Kempton, who's brilliant, wrote this outrageously successful book, Wabi Sabi among other books. Please check her out.

[00:17:52] She nicknamed me when we were training together years ago, speaking in Santa Fe. She labeled me the open-heart surgeon. And obviously I'm not cutting anybody open, well, with a knife or blade, but I'm here to open hearts. Yes, I'm here to bring the joy, but I'm also here to open hearts. And you can't go around and advertise that. But it's always what I'm doing in every interaction. And that's what I'm doing here on the show. And even if people feel for the first time or feel differently, that's what we're doing here.

[00:18:34] ​ Rawish, atypical talks for transformation.