Winning Through Generosity: Marnie Schneider’s Playbook for Success

[00:00:00] Marnie: My mother she's the varsity superstar. I'm like the JV bench warmer, and that's okay. And she'd be proud of the skills that I have because we can't all be like that. And if you sit around with all the shoulds you're going to be like, I'm never getting out of bed.

[00:00:18] You know what the best compliment is? When somebody actually wants to introduce me to somebody. I'm like, "That's a compliment." Because it means that they think enough about you that they want to introduce you to somebody that matters to them.

[00:00:30] If you're not invested, you can't collect. But also, the path to success is a circuitous path. It is not linear. It's like driving down Mulholland. It is a windy, windy road, and you have to be prepared. You can't be drunk driving. You got to have your eyes on the road and focused because there's deer running across whatever it is. But you know what? It is a circuitous path, but you will get there, slow and steady.

[00:01:10] Kate: Hey, there. Welcome back to Rawish with Kate Eckman. Got a really special episode for you today. Really here with someone who is a champion for women supporting women, who is involved in so many charities, who really gives back to the community and has a really unique origin story and that she grew up with her grandfather owning the Philadelphia Eagles.

[00:01:32] Her mother was the first ever vice president, general counsel, and some other big title that she'll tell us about for a professional football team. And so to this day is the only woman to ever hold that role. And I can see that she has taught her daughter so much, just how she shows up in the world.

[00:01:49] And she's also a children's book author. So many books, almost a dozen books that I want to tell you about that you'll have to get, not just for your children, niece and nephew, but also for yourself because they're fun. They're engaging and teach so many great life lessons. So without further ado, I would love to bring in Marnie Schneider. Marnie, thank you so much for being here.

[00:02:10] Marnie: Well, thank you, Kate. What a great intro! Thank you. I can't do any better than that, so we can just end the show right now, but I want to talk to you. So we're not going to do that. But thank you. That's lovely. Thank you so much.

[00:02:21] Kate: Absolutely. And we've got your cheerleaders, your dogs here. And we will talk about cheerleaders later, but I think what I love about you is that we just had an instant connection and so much of it is without me even knowing. But in one minute, two minutes, I could tell that you really have put in the work to just be such a kind person.

[00:02:40] And I think oftentimes when we think of someone who has the wealth and status to own an NFL team that maybe the first thing that comes to mind is entitlement or these kids don't work so hard or they're just born into this wealth. And if I didn't know you, I would think like, wow, this woman, she's just up from her bootstraps, is so disciplined, has put in so much work.

[00:03:03] And it's just so genuine and connecting with other women. And you've been so supportive of me in just a short time. What was it about your upbringing that not only was your family so successful, but there's really these morals and values that are so ingrained in you?

[00:03:21] Marnie: My grandfather had a saying and it turned into a family saying that civility is not a sign of weakness. And I think that I heard that so much growing up and then on top of it I actually saw the give back. I saw them doing so much to give back to the community. And I think that what my grandfather loved the most about owning the Philadelphia Eagles was finding ways to give back to the community and give back to the fans because it really wasn't about him so much.

[00:03:54] It was really providing a winning team and making sure that the coaches and the players and everybody in the front office had all the tools that they needed to win on Sunday. And then also that meant that the fan base was going to be happy. And that meant that the community was going to be happy. And that meant that the local vendors that were selling t shirts right near the stadium were going to be happy.

[00:04:17] So I think that that was really what I learned. And then I also watched a tremendous amount of charity go on where if it was 1983 and now people are-- because it's the holiday time and I see all these little videos about-- you're too young but the Cabbage Patch dolls were this huge craze.

[00:04:37] You might've been like a one. But I remember my grandfather doing everything he could do to get Cabbage Patch dolls, not for me, but for all the kids at children's hospital in Philadelphia or all the kids at the Ronald McDonald House, because that was what motivated him. And that was really his currency, was finding ways to connect and give back.

[00:04:56] And I was fortunate enough to hear these great sayings and watch people at the highest level, whether it was Super Bowl winning coaches and athletes and everything else. You're an athlete. And then watch them take what they knew and take that game plan and then execute. And I think that was such a luxury. Like, sure, it was great, some of the fun travel and vacations and whatever else, but truly the best thing about growing up with a family that was involved in professional sports was being around some of those people that dedicated themselves to making a difference.

[00:05:33] Kate: Yeah. And you could probably see a stark contrast between those who were in it for the right reasons and wanted to win for the right reasons and go about it that way. And then that cutthroat when it all costs nastiness that goes on. And again, so many corrupt people just came to mind because you could go either way. What else was it about your family and growing up that you really even maybe noticed the way your family was doing things versus maybe some other things that you saw or experienced?

[00:06:02] Marnie: I think that my mother did a very good job of trying to keep things normal for me. I never flew on a private plane. And when I flew with the team, I wasn't sitting up in the front where the coaches were or people that needed to be in the front. I was in the last row next to the bathroom.

[00:06:20] And that was by design because they wanted me to have all these fun experiences, but also know that you get to sit in the front of the plane when you earn that position, not just because I was born into that position. So I just knowing that I was going to get to do something special, and I had my bag with my Walkman.

[00:06:42] For the people that are young out there, you had your cassette tapes. Prior to having an iPod or whatever, you had a bag with a Walkman and you had your cassette. Not even CDs. I'm so old that I had cassettes. And then when you ran out of batteries, that was it. You were done. Which was a good thing, because that was really how Football Freddie & Fumble the Dog Gameday started, because I was on a long plane ride, ran out of batteries, and my mom said, "Too bad. So sad. Here's a legal pad. Start writing." And that was it.

[00:07:13] Kate: Really? So Football Freddie & Fumble the Dog, I love that name, that's your series of children's books. That sounds like it was born out of creativity. That's what I do love about our generation. I'm at the end of Gen X, and we really were left to our own devices. Listen, I had that yellow Sony Walkman too with the cassette tapes, and you're right.

[00:07:34] The batteries ran out, and our parents from that generation, like, entertain yourselves. There weren't the devices. And so we were. Our generation, we still know how to communicate. We had to communicate without texts and cell phones and meet face to face and talk or write, like you said. So where did this inspiration come up? And tell us about just the themes and the concept behind Football Freddie.

[00:07:57] Marnie: Again, traveling around with my mom and my grandfather as a young girl, I got to see all these great cities that hosted professional football teams. So what I did was we would get to a city and my mom would be working. And this would never happen in this day and age. I would get in a car with a stranger and be driven around to wherever the sites of the city, whether it was San Diego or Dallas, Fort Worth, driving around, seeing what's going on.

[00:08:23] And so I think that that just led me to then have these stories about places that I liked and things. So I started writing Football Freddie & Fumble the Dog. It was just a little fun project that I did, gosh, 1983 on an airplane and would write about my travels. It was really my journal and my experience of traveling around and making friends and seeing what was going on and being a fan, because I love being a fan.

[00:08:48] I love being a sports fan. And I think that what it did do was enable me to make friends and to speak this universal language, which I think sports and certainly football is a universal language. So I started writing these stories and then had them. And I'm a good collector, saved things and had them. And about seven years ago, my mom, who was starting to show some signs of dementia, told me that-- she said, why don't you take out those stories that you wrote when you were a young girl? Let's see if we could do something with it.

[00:09:22] And so I said, "Okay." As I took it out, I said, "It's terrible, mom." She was like, "Yeah, pretty bad." She was right. I'm like, "This is bad." My English teachers would not have been proud of what I was doing. But I met with a publisher and told him what I thought I wanted to do.

[00:09:36] And he's like, "I like this idea. It's good intellectual property, and I think we could do something with it." So I started working on one book, which was a hobby, Football Freddie & Fumble the Dog. Fumble, really, is my dog. [Inaudible] in Philadelphia, which is really just me. I'm talking about the great places in Philadelphia.

[00:09:56] So you go to the National Constitution Center. You travel around. You go to the Betsy Ross House. You go to the Liberty Bell. You get to see all these places in Philadelphia that had some meaning to me. And then you make your way to the stadium to cheer on the home team. And it was a good, very basic concept, but it got kids excited about reading and being a fan.

[00:10:16] And so this book sold very well. And then my publisher said, "You want to do another one?" And I said, "Okay, but now I have to add in another character in each city because I don't know those cities." So I started working on Football Freddie & Fumble the Dog: Gameday in Pittsburgh, and I wanted to celebrate Pittsburgh and my college roommate at Penn state and my sorority sister, her son, Hugh, is a great person to be the tour guide for the city of Pittsburgh.

[00:10:44] And what's really special about Hugh is that he was autistic. So we were able to celebrate the fact that while he might be autistic, he's still the best person to show you around the city of Pittsburgh. So for example, in Gameday in Pittsburgh, it's Freddie and Hugh, and they travel around Pittsburgh and you get to see all the sites.

[00:11:06] So there they are at Fallingwater. And then they make their way, same idea, at the game, doing the national anthem. Every book has certain similarities where you get to the stadium and then you get into the venue and you do the national anthem because that's part of the game time routine.

[00:11:23] And then, there we go. There they are. They may or may not win. It's a cliffhanger. Guess what? They win. Of course, yes. So then at the end of the book, they can celebrate the victory. And then because manners matter, I was raised to write thank you notes at the end of every book. Freddie writes thank you notes to her tour guide because I think that certain things are just good lessons to learn for kids.

[00:11:47] So that's Football Freddie & Fumble the Dog: Gameday in Pittsburgh. And I've now written my 11th book, is about to come out next week, and that is Football Freddie and Fumble the Dog: Gameday in Kansas City, which here's the proof right here.

[00:12:00] Kate: Oh, congratulations.

[00:12:03] Marnie: Yeah, so it's all the same. You travel around. You get to see all the great sights of different cities. Because not everybody is going to get to go to those cities and not everybody's going to get to go to a professional football game. But I think that sharing these stories and getting kids excited about being a fan and the game day experience is something that we can all connect on.

[00:12:22] Kate: Yeah, I agree. And thank you for doing that. As you're talking, I'm thinking gosh, Marnie was one of the original influencers. Instead of taking us on TikTok or the app and creating the reel to show us to take us along on the video, you're doing it by book, which is so important for all of us, but especially kids, to be reading. And I loved reading as a kid and having my parents or another relative of mine read books to me as a way to connect.

[00:12:46] And I don't see that happening as much anymore, sadly. And even I see my niece and nephew or every kid just always on their devices and learning that way. And I think it's just so important, but give them something interesting. It is so cool. And most kids love sports or love that game day experience.

[00:13:03] And like you said, if they can't go, they can experience it through your eyes and through these great tour guides in the book. So thank you so much for doing that and influencing in that way and keeping it cool to read.

[00:13:15] Marnie: Thank you. It's a way to connect a father with a daughter, a mother with her son. I've been told that my books are for all ages, although it used to be second and third graders were my bullseye. Now it's definitely skewing higher, third, fourth, and fifth graders, because kids really can't read these days.

[00:13:37] So it's something that I wish my bullseye was a little bit smaller like it was, but that's okay. We're going to start getting kids that are a little bit older to get excited about reading. And again, it's a way for people to connect. So it's a way certainly for an aunt to connect with her nephew and using it as a tool, like I said.

[00:13:56] So ultimately, that's really what I love about my books. The feedback that I've received is that it's a great way to connect with whoever it is that you want to connect with. And then, again, just having them and collecting them all because they take you on a tour through a different football city.

[00:14:13] So I'm very proud of what we've done and we'll just keep doing it. And then the plan is to do the same thing with baseball. So it's baseball Billy and bunt the dog and basketball Bobby and buzzer the dog and soccer Sammy and score, where you can see all these great cities and learn a little bit about that sport as you make your way to the stadium or the baseball field or whatever it is, to cheer on the home team.

[00:14:35] Kate: Yeah, and such a great gift idea. And then best-case scenario is if you get the book, like you love the Steelers, you get to read the book, be excited, have that experience, and then get the tickets to go to the game and experience that. But first, really learn about it and get excited about it. I think that's even why I went to Taylor Swift a year or two ago, because I kept seeing all the videos about it and thought, gosh, I have to experience this.

[00:14:56] So now to be able to do that with a book medium and for people to get more into that, and it's such a healthy escape to go on that little tour of Pittsburgh. And I think of Cincinnati where I grew up and everyone's like, oh, Skyline Chili or Graeter's ice cream, whether you like it or not. But it's like, I'm in Cincinnati. Let me get the chili, the world famous Graeter's ice cream, and I love Graeter's

[00:15:16] Marnie: The best.

[00:15:18] Kate: Yeah, it is. And now you can get it in grocery stores throughout the country.

[00:15:22] Marnie: I know. It's dangerous, but yet makes me very happy. Graeter's this top notch, world-class

[00:15:30] Kate: It is. And just to be able to experience that through learning about it and then go do it in person, but taking us all on these adventures, I love that you're branching out into the other sports. And again, making reading really fun and exciting and going on an adventure.

[00:15:46] Marnie: We like to say thank you, Kate, that it's like beach entry. So it's not like jumping right in. It's like, you're slowly being able to walk into the world of being a fan. And kids don't know how to do that. And oftentimes if kids do go to a game, it might be boring. Let's face it.

[00:16:05] There's a lot of walking. There's a lot of waiting. I was bored at times. It's just how it goes. So I want the experience to be so positive because that is ultimately how you're going to end up enjoying things when the experience is positive. That's why I love minor league baseball, because it's a much more intimate experience with baseball.

[00:16:28] Going to a big venue is harder. But if you go to a minor league game, you're right there in the action and the players interact with you and your parents can buy you a hot dog because it's not $100. It's $2. So that's one of the fun things about going to minor league, is that you get your experience, all of the stuff. When you're a little kid, you don't know the difference anyway. And the talent in there. It's all world-class talent.

[00:16:51] Kate: Yeah. You just remind me-- my mom always tells the story of when I was a little girl and my dad would take me to the Reds games or the Bengals games. And I guess we'd always leave at the third inning and my mom would get home and she'd say, "How was it?" And I would mention nothing about the athletes or the game or anything, but I would just light up and say, "Oh my gosh. You just sit there and wave your hand and they bring you anything you want to eat or drink." And I thought that was the coolest thing, was the food vendors. You get your chocolate malt and your soft pretzel and your hot dog. I'm like, "Okay. I ate everything. Time to [Inaudible].

[00:17:23] Marnie: Right, exactly. Yes, then that's why parents are like, "Oh my gosh, that was an expensive day," to leave at the third inning. So I know. I've taken my kids when they were little to world series games or whatever, playoff games, and I'm like, "If you guys fall asleep, I'm waking you up. Literally, there is no sleeping. There's no crying in baseball. There's no sleeping in baseball. Okay.

[00:17:50] Kate: Like Wake up, it's expensive to be here. Exactly.

[00:17:54] Marnie: So for 20 bucks, you can get my books and feel like you're there and also learn something.

[00:17:59] Kate: Yeah. And what I love about you and your brand, your business, everything that you stand for and represent is that you really do lead with giving back. And I would just love for you to share-- this is extraordinary. Your family started the Ronald McDonald House, that charity that we all know. It's one of the first ones that we learn about. Can you tell us a little bit about that and your involvement with it past and present?

[00:18:23] Marnie: Yeah. So in 1974, when my grandfather on the Philadelphia Eagles, a player on his team, his daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and my grandfather, again, being a man of his word said, "Okay, well, what do we need to do? Let's do something." So they started a charity called Eagles Fly for Leukemia, and then that morphed into the very first Ronald McDonald House.

[00:18:44] The head of oncology, an amazing woman who passed away two years ago at just about 100 years old, Dr. Audrey Evans, 50 years ago said, "We need a place for families to stay while their children are getting treated at the hospital." So then that turned into, well, let's talk to McDonald's because they love kids and kids love McDonald's. And so McDonald's said, "Yeah, we love this idea. Let's do it."

[00:19:13] So that turned into the very first Ronald McDonald House in 1974 in Philadelphia. And my grandfather wrote the first check and was very involved in-- there were four or five people that were the originators of this idea. And now we just celebrated our 50th anniversary of the Ronald McDonald House, and there's houses all over the world, pretty much everywhere.

[00:19:36] Even hospitals have little kiosks and floors dedicated to the Ronald McDonald House for children. And so it's just a great charity. And I serve on the board. I work with corporate, but I also serve on the board here in the Carolinas where we live, and I've been very involved in that and share our annual charity, and I am excited that we're starting another new 50 years and hopefully my kids will want to stay involved with it.

[00:20:01] And almost every person that I meet has some connection to the Ronald McDonald House, or they know somebody, or they were there, or they have a story about the Ronald McDonald House that has served and helped so many families over the past 50 years.

[00:20:18] And even my oldest son when he was nine months old was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, while we did not stay in the Ronald McDonald House, we spent a lot of time at children's hospital in Philadelphia and met a lot of families that were there. So I can connect with the families not only because my grandfather started the charity, but also, I've had a sick child.

[00:20:38] I know what that's like. Jonathan, my oldest didn't walk or talk. He was almost five. Now he's 24. So it was a very incredible set of events where my grandfather and Dr. Audrey Evans and me and my son were all sitting in a hospital room at children's hospital in Philadelphia 23 years ago.

[00:21:00] Here we were needing help, and that I think was, an incredible moment and another moment of my life that really defined who I am. And we've talked a little bit about this, but we've all had loss in our life, Kate. Some loss is different than others, and everybody feels and experiences it differently, but loss is loss, and I think loss is really what creates who we are as human beings.

[00:21:31] Kate: Wow. And you recently lost your fiancé at just 53 years old. I'm so sorry. You've experienced it your whole life and you've done good with it, but what has all of this been about? Seeing so much loss growing up with these charities and children's cancers and then just losing the love of your life recently.

[00:21:51] Marnie: I think that I experienced loss in a different way at a young age. When the Eagles would lose a game, it was a loss. It was a tremendous loss because I had to go to school the next day and deal with teachers and kids and whatever, and it was incredibly difficult. And it sounds like, oh, get over it, whatever, but kids are mean.

[00:22:16] And you know when you're involved with something, even though I wasn't coaching and I wasn't playing, kids, when you're 10, 11, 12, 13, they are mean, and you don't know how to process that. So the losses weekly, and there were a lot of them, were very difficult to then get up the strength to go to school, which you have to go to school and you have to go do that. But I'm grateful now for the loss.

[00:22:40] And then I think also the loss of when I was a senior in high school and my grandfather decided to sell the team, that was another loss that I understood, but the loss of having something so unique, so so unique and then suddenly people-- and then me realizing that, oh, okay, maybe people only like me because of that.

[00:23:08] Because I definitely did go through friends that-- I have amazing friends that I've had since I was 5, 6, 7, 8. I still talk to them every day, but there were some people that were no longer my friends or definitely weren't as interested in being my friend. So I think that there was that loss.

[00:23:23] And then the biggest loss in my life, certainly devastating, losing someone that you love, my grandfather died, but I think that my mother's dementia about seven or eight years ago. And thankfully she's still here and alive, but watching her fade away from me-- her dementia is very progressed-- that is every day. It's like death by a million paper cuts. But what are you going to do?

[00:23:54] You just got to keep going. That's it. You just roll up your sleeve and you keep going. And while it's incredibly sad and melancholy, you live your life being sad and melancholy. You're just going to get a lot of sad and melancholy and like, who wants that? I don't want that. No one around me wants that. My dogs don't want that.

[00:24:12] So it's like you have to figure out like what-- and I'm so grateful for my book series and my friends, like you, and being a champion of other people that I respect and that I like and having them to talk to and listen to. And it's like, again, the loss is loss. Loss gives us discipline. Either you are going to pick up a bottle of tequila and-- like that, or you're going to be like, no, I'm going to be disciplined. I'm going to be focused. I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to raise a lot of money for charities. I'm going to write a lot of books. I'm going to help a lot of kids. I'm going to not let myself be a total dumb ass. And like, that's it. I'm a dumb ass sometimes, but not a total--

[00:24:52] Kate: Aren't we all in our own way? That's how we learn.

[00:24:55] Marnie: It's okay. Sometimes I'm like, all right, that was dumb, but that's all right. You're allowed. Everyone's allowed. It's okay.

[00:25:02] Kate: You are just such a light, and that's why I'd like to talk about origin stories and history. And again, it's such a stereotype maybe because I'm in Los Angeles and there's lots of personalities here and it does get a bad rap certainly for fake people or some entitled kids.

[00:25:17] There's the rich kids of Beverly Hills, and I live in Bel Air and so see a lot of things and the way that people act. And it's off putting and gross a lot of times and think, wow, you have this platform and opportunity where you could do so much and then people choose to go down a different road or just the way that they treat other people.

[00:25:37] And it's almost like your aura and your essence is honestly of someone who grew up with nothing because you just are so concerned about other people and doing good in the world. I'd love to talk about your mother. I guess she was a champion for women just being in a world and even in those days.

[00:25:54] We didn't even have the right to vote not that long ago, and the fact that she is in these high-status positions, the first woman ever and still on a professional football team, what is it about her that you think was able to just take those reins and do that and do it with such class and grace and what you learned from her?

[00:26:13] Marnie: So I talk about this about my grandfather and my mom, and it's an interesting-- there were a very interesting dynamic. And so one of the things that my grandfather did, which no other team owner has done is to put his daughter-- he put himself out there. He was like, "I'm going to put my daughter in the highest position of professional sports."

[00:26:35] And that takes big balls because that, to me, was like-- one of the things when I talk about my grandfather and maybe trying to get him some sort of special recommendation at the pro football hall of fame, it's like I look around and I go you know what? Here's what Leonard Tose did. Leonard Tose put a woman in the '80s, a long time ago, he put a woman who was his daughter in the highest position in all of professional sports.

[00:27:06] My mother was vice president, legal counsel, and general manager, and a 10 out of 10. My mom was drop dead gorgeous, so stunning that men would throw their numbers at her. And actually, it was a big sport and was cool and all these things. So I think that my grandfather had a lot of confidence in my mom and her skill set.

[00:27:29] And the things that she did, Kate, in the '80s are things that now professional teams use those things as their standard. For example, my mom said. "We can't be on AM radio anymore." This was in the '80s. She's like, "We've got to be on FM." She was such a forward thinker.

[00:27:49] Also, the Eagles have been labeled in a great way as one of the most female-friendly organizations. Well, that started with my mom. She brought in a CFO that was a woman. All the women that worked there were incredibly smart and incredibly successful women that had very long careers in the NFL and of all. There's coaching trees, like you talk about a Dick Vermeil coaching tree and all the people that have spawned from him.

[00:28:12] The executive tree that my mom started is so huge and very, very, very accomplished women and men too. It wasn't just a bunch of broad sitting around, but my mom started, Friday afternoon, ice cream parlors and wine drinks and whatever. She really wanted people to know that they mattered. And I think that's different too.

[00:28:33] And I think that she started that trend of treating people as people and giving them clothing allowances. Women back in the '80s, they didn't-- they were just starting out. They didn't really know how to dress. My mother would take them and get them dressed. They would go to Saks Fifth Avenue and get a clothing budget of 1,000 bucks and be able to go buy some suits to wear to work because they didn't really know how to dress for work.

[00:28:58] But I think that she did things that were so incredibly unique that are now modeled in organizations. And then also from a physical point of view, running it like a business. Back in the '80s, most team owners ran their teams like a hobby. They did not run them like a business. They were run like a vanity project, which was great, because they were.

[00:29:20] People that owned teams, it wasn't their only livelihood. Now, it is their only livelihood. Or they buy into it, and it's a billion dollars, or five billion dollars, or 10 billion dollars. The money is outrageous. Money matters. I love money. Don't get me wrong. I want to have it and I want to be around it, but it's really about having money so that I can do things for other people.

[00:29:42] I've done traveling and I've done cool things and I have a nice car and I have a nice house. Those are nice things. I like that, and I appreciate that. My kids can go to college. They go to state schools. They're not at Ivy league colleges. They are at nice state respectable colleges. But for me, the money is about finding ways to help others because you can only spend so much in a year. That's it. Then it gets boring. I don't care about that material stuff.

[00:30:10] Kate: Because it doesn't fill us up. There's times when I just like, oh, if I just buy enough stuff, I'll feel filled up. And we all know that isn't true. Same with eating or drinking or whatever your vice is. But when you do give back, when you do care about other people, when you define success based on the quality of your relationships, your friendships, and just even being able to connect in a genuine way with someone, that fills me up way more than any material good.

[00:30:36] And I'm like you. I love nice things as much as the next person, but it doesn't bring you happiness. And I see that in the world. It almost just seems to be getting worse. I think social media has helped with that too where it's just people think, oh, I have all this. Or you think of someone who is in a position to own an NFL team, for instance. It's like, no problems, must be nice, all this money.

[00:30:59] And that isn't the answer. And I love that so much of success is mentality, and this mentality that your grandfather has that he passed down to your mother, that she has passed down to you and that you saw it. Because you and your life could have gone a whole different way, and your family heritage really set you up for success, not just financially, but really, it's this mentality of what really matters.

[00:31:22] Marnie: It's so interesting. I think people are so surprised that I am so normal, whatever that is, and wholesome and normal. And I don't do drugs and I don't drink.

[00:31:31] Those things, yeah, they were definitely available. They're available to all kids, whether you're living in a fancy, hotel or whether you're in a place that's less desirable.

[00:31:42] Drugs and alcohol are available. But again, that comes down to discipline. And if you don't have the discipline-- and also, I didn't ever want to disappoint my mother. I knew that she worked really hard and I was like, "I don't want to be a gigantic pain in the neck to her." That would be so reckless and unfortunate. I didn't want to do that to her.

[00:32:01] But it comes down to discipline and everything. I always say, like, you wake up and you have a full cup of discipline. But if you've gone out the night before and you've had too much to drink, or you've gambled, you're going to wake up and your discipline's going to be whittled down and then it's going to be really hard to get through the day.

[00:32:18] And, sure, we all have days where we wake up and we're just like, "Wow, I shouldn't have done that last night," or whatever, but you just keep going. But I think that with discipline, you really have to take care of your discipline. If you don't take care of your discipline, it's going to go away. So if you squander it, it's going to be very difficult to get it back. I think discipline is the hardest thing to get back if you've pushed it away.

[00:32:43] Kate: Yeah. Something else that you've been very disciplined on is your-- and you don't just speak it, but you embody it. And I experienced it firsthand, and it felt like the most nourishing, delicious meal, is that you really are such a champion for women and supporting women.

[00:32:59] And there's even the hashtag women supporting women and I see people doing it and I'm like, "Gosh, you would rather die than acknowledge what I'm doing." And so a lot of people pay lip service to some of these causes or some of these trends or some of these things, but you just embody it so much that it's so refreshing.

[00:33:14] And I know that it can take work and it is a practice and you had a good upbringing, but what do you think is happening where there is still, in this day and age, so many women not supporting other women, or even grown ass men who are jealous of, or try to take down powerful women? You see that all the time. What do you think the problem is, and then how have you been able to really lead the cause in championing other women?

[00:33:39] Marnie: I think a lot of it does come down to people are faking it in their own life. So if they're a phony, then they are going to be guaranteed to not be able to support you. When I was growing up, the school that I went to, the school motto, which is also the motto of the state of North Carolina where I live is Esse, E-S-S-E, is Latin, quam, Q-U-A-M, videri. And translated, that means to be rather than to seem.

[00:34:09] So I grew up hearing that saying, because it was on every logo for everything in my school that I went to Episcopal academy. And I think that if you be rather than seem, you will be able to help other people. The people that are seeming can't do shit. They suck their thumb all day and want to bring everybody else down because that's all they know. They don't know how to uplift people.

[00:34:34] But the people that are really being want to be around people that are being also and be like, "Oh, I can--" And I've been the beneficiary of so many amazing people, men, but mostly women. Let's just say. It meant in a different way because men have been great to me, and I'm so thankful for my male friendships. But my female friendships, because I am an only child, the women in my life are my family.

[00:34:58] They become my sisters and supporting each other and being kind to one another and being self-deprecating with one another because we are real people is my greatest gift. I'm so thankful for-- I so I would be squandering the love that I receive from these beautiful women and men and everybody else if I did not then pick up that ball and run with it and return it and reciprocate it.

[00:35:26] Kate: Yeah, thank you for that. It is. That to me is a huge defining moment of success is when you have done inner work and you feel so good about yourself that you're able to project that out instead of all of the hatred and jealousy and all of that stuff and really help bring people up. Because you do the work and then you really inspire me, and I'm feeling good. And then I want to extend it, and then we live in a completely different world.

[00:35:50] What would your message be to, anyone who's listening or watching who would love to be in a position of power or status of you, your mother, your grandfather, and do something "really big in the world" where you're even in a position to own an NFL team and that feels so out of reach?

[00:36:06] And that's not for everybody. Most people will never reach that level, but what do you say to people, whatever their big dream is, and they feel that it's far off? Or, must be nice for you. I'll never get there. What kind of words of encouragement could you offer to anyone with a dream?

[00:36:23] Marnie: Get involved in something. Get involved. It's economics. If you're not invested, you can't collect. Get involved and do things. I do a lot of things and people are like, "Why are you doing that?" I'm like, "Because it feels right to me." But also, the path to success is a circuitous path. It is not linear. It's like driving down Mulholland. It is a windy, windy road, and you have to be prepared. You can't be drunk driving. You got to have your eyes on the road and focused because there's deer running across, whatever it is. But you know what? It is a circuitous path, but you will get there, slow and steady.

[00:37:00] And when you need to put your foot on the gas, go. And when you need to take it off, you take it off and give yourself some grace and say, "Okay, here's where we are." But getting involved and just knowing that it is not a linear path. It is not. It can't be. You got to learn all that stuff. You got to learn it all.

[00:37:18] And again, the people that take the loss, that take the L, take the L and learn from it. Take the L's because the L's are what gets you to the W's. That is it. And everyone's definition of a win and a loss is different. I would tell people my losses and they'd be like, "Girl, that's nothing." And I would probably agree with them. So you just remember, comparing yourself to anybody else is, a fool's game. You're never going to win in that one. So you got to keep winding along.

[00:37:52] Kate: How have you kept the jealousy or envy or bad vibes away and haven't let it impact you or bring you down? Because honestly, it's something that I've had to overcome a bit recently, and it feels icky. And it's not even something I think I can feel it from certain people and I think, gosh, I've been so wonderful to this person and yet they can't be happy for me or celebrate me or acknowledge me.

[00:38:18] And it's really disheartening. And I can tell I've done the work and I've moved through it where it doesn't bother me so much anymore and I let them go and let them be on their journey. But it's disappointing because those of us who are putting ourselves out there and getting involved and taking big risks and really are on a mission to change and uplift the world, it can be exhausting. And you need people like yourself by your side to help you keep going, especially on the days where you want to throw in the towel.

[00:38:43] How have you managed all that from a young age of being in a position where people-- and you're gorgeous, for those who are listening and aren't watching. You should tune into YouTube as well to see beautiful Marnie. But how have you managed to keep that at bay and go through it?

[00:38:58] Marnie: Again, I think it goes back to being able to know that-- my grandfather would always say this, nothing's ever as good as it seems and nothing's ever as bad. And if people aren't going to do-- we talked about this a little bit. My mom would always say, if you expect people to do what you would do, you're going to be living a life of constant disappointment. So who wants that?

[00:39:24] I don't want that. So if you want to do something, then do it. And don't expect that someone's going to write a thank you note. Don't expect they're even going to say thanks. They're probably not going to. If they do, great, but if you do it for those things, then you might not get them, and that might be disappointing.

[00:39:42] And believe me, I have done many things in my life where I'm like, "I can't believe they didn't even call me." And then I'm like, "All right, whatever. Moving right along." I have to have my own come-to-Jesus conversation, and be like, why would they call you? They don't even like you. You just did something dumb. They don't even like you.

[00:39:59] You did something thoughtful because you always try to take the high road or whatever it is. And there's nothing wrong with that. And I still try to take the high road. They don't even like you. Just remember that. They don't like you. And that's okay. That's okay. Not everyone's going to like you.

[00:40:15] I like a lot of people. I like more people than I don't like people, but there are people that I'm like, "Eh, they're all right." But not everyone's going to like you. And if you do something thoughtful for them because you want to do it, great, but do not have any expectations because that is where you're going to get stuck in the quagmire of disaster.

[00:40:35] Kate: Yeah. Did you ever feel any pressure to be a certain way or to have a certain job or career or to be on a million boards and start a bunch of charities and do all these things based on the family you grew up in?

[00:40:50] Marnie: Yeah, I still feel like I have not accomplished-- yeah, of course. I still feel like I'm far. My mother, she's the varsity superstar. I'm like the JV bench warmer, barely. But I have different skills than her, and that's okay. And she'd be proud of the skills that I have because I'm not her.

[00:41:15] We can't all be like that. Yeah, there's a lot of things that I'm like, "Wow, I probably blew that one. I should have done that. I should have done this." And if you sit around with all the shoulds, you're going to be like, I'm never getting out of bed. I really blew it a bunch of times.

[00:41:31] Yeah, there's a lot of pressure to want to be able to achieve certain things. Women are-- often when raising a family, and we take this 20-year gap. I feel like the time between my youngest was born and he was sick and then I had two other kids and then my mother got sick, I'm like, "All right, I'm in my mid-50s. Now I got to go." But that's okay.

[00:41:54] You know what? Again, like driving on Mulholland, you got to put your foot on the gas at times and take your foot off the gas and know when to do those things. Because that will ultimately give yourself some grace. And know that you're going to create a legacy that is going to be meaningful in whatever it is that you're doing. And again, just get involved, do something, and no one will ever say they didn't do anything.

[00:42:20] Kate: What do you want your legacy to be?

[00:42:23] Marnie: When I think about this, I think I want my legacy to be somebody that was able to create some interesting material for families to enjoy, that I was able to raise a lot to continue my family legacy with charities that mattered to me, the Ronald McDonald House, giving back to the military, certainly animals.

[00:42:44] So I was able to tape what they had done and continued to do that so that their efforts were not wasted or squandered. And that's really important to me, to be a very big advocate for The Ronald McDonald House because my family was very involved in the beginning. If I'm going to brag about how they were involved, then I better be involved. Otherwise, I'm an a-hole big time. That's like total asshole material if you do that. Brag about something but don't be involved in it. Can't do that. Can't do that.

[00:43:20] Kate: Yeah. You put your money where your mouth is, and then you have three children that can continue on the legacy. But I had to ask you about the pressure because I would imagine, and maybe that's why some kids that come from advantage or their parents, grandparents are doing big things, why maybe they just even put their head in the sand.

[00:43:37] So think, well, I can't compete with that. Why even try? And so I love that you have really stepped up and you are continuing the legacy, but also putting your own stamp on it and creating your own projects and your own books and your own way of being.

[00:43:50] Marnie: And remember that most people want to like you. I forget that. I'm like, "Oh, yeah, I guess people do want to like me." But again, it's like those are just these old patterns of whatever, feeling not good enough, or all that stuff. So it's like, just remember that by being involved and by doing things and keeping a tight circle of friends that are supportive of you, it's going to be okay. And they're going to support you and you're going to support them and making new friends.

[00:44:23] And again, we talk about this too. It's like making new friends as an adult is a really beautiful thing to do. Because I've made friends when my kids were little and I was a room mom or whatever. I made friends with some of the moms there, but making friends with a beautiful, successful adult, that's off the charts.

[00:44:46] That means that you're really well adjusted. I'm really well adjusted. And I'm like, "She's cool. I'm cool. Let's hang." We [Inaudible] up to each other than just to talk about whatever stuff we talk about, but that's cool.

[00:45:01] Kate: Yeah. And it's one of my favorite things in life. People always talk about meeting the one and they're talking about a romantic partner, and some of my proudest, happiest, most successful moments are meeting someone like you, a sister, a friend, someone where we can support each other. What are you working on? Let me support you. Let me promote you. Let's meet up and talk about big ideas and how we can change the world for the better or be silly and just have a good laugh because we all need fun and pleasure in our lives too.

[00:45:30] And I think too, you come from a certain world. I come from an on-camera world, TV modeling, and just a lot of these cut-throat men and women where it's just this culture of backstabbing and ickiness. That's why I've left a lot of those businesses. But I'm like, "There's still things I want to do in the media space." But doing programming like this where we can talk about these topics and ideas, because I've had enough and you see it perpetuated. Everybody complains about it, but then it's like, well, what are you doing about it?

[00:46:02] How are you treating people that you meet, or how are you choosing to act? So it is a choice every day how we choose to show up. And I was even going to ask you before we got on this about, you've met a lot of people. I wonder a takeaway that you have from all the people in the NFL that you've met and what you want to do from what you've learned. And maybe you've learned how you don't want to be, but any takeaways there?

[00:46:25] Marnie: The thing about sports, and you know this because you're an athlete, is that it's fact-based. All the other stuff, the Hollywood, if they can do it again in a reshoot, they can loop it. They can blah, blah, blah. But with sports, and this is why love talking about sports and I love athletes because no matter what-- and they might have crazy personalities, but it is fact-based.

[00:46:46] That person runs faster than that person. That touchdown made them win the game. That home run is why-- whatever it is. You see the stats. I love looking at the stats because women are great with numbers. I love looking at the sets. I want to see time of possession of the ball. I want to see all these things. So to me, that's why I love being involved in sports, is because of that.

[00:47:09] And so, to me, I would much rather spend time with somebody who played in the NFL or whatever it is even for one day because they're an athlete and I can relate to that. I'm not an athlete, but I crave the facts. The facts are way more fun for me than all the hypothesis and the, well, that dreamy BS. I'm like, "I can't. I can't even."

[00:47:35] My takeaway is, go watch a little league game. Go to sporting events. Go turn on the basketball game because you'll see people that don't get a chance to do it again. They get that one time. And if you're having a bad day, you still got to show up. That's life. You got to show up.

[00:47:54] Kate: What do you say to some of those parents who are screaming at their kids or they're living vicariously through the kids and putting all the pressure? Because there's some of that going on too. So you want your kids involved. You want them to do well. But I think a lot of people that are adults now dealt with some of the rough parents and then you see some of the parents who it is the win at all costs and the pressure they're putting on their kids. What do you say to all of that as a parent?

[00:48:17] Marnie: Every kid is different. Every single kid is different. Some kids are better when there's more discipline. Some kids can't handle it. And as a parent, you have to be like Sherlock Holmes. Good parents are detectives. They can understand-- and same way.

[00:48:35] It's same thing. Being a good friend, you could be a detective. You can understand what your friends are going through. They might not communicate certain ways with you, but you have to be a detective. And as a parent, if you're really going to be an advocate for your child, you have to figure out how they learn, how they are motivated, what works for them, what doesn't work for them, and then figure that out.

[00:48:55] That's really the missing ingredient in a lot of parenting. It's figuring out what works for you as a parent, for them as a child, having a conversation with them, talking to different coaches, figuring out what it is, because there's definitely a delicate balance in all of it, and it's not a one size fit all. It's just not. It can't be.

[00:49:15] Kate: What's one of your favorite lessons that you have taken away from your life thus far that keeps you going, keeps you inspired, keeps you motivated?

[00:49:25] Marnie: I am very grateful. I try to practice a tremendous amount of gratitude, which comes easily for me, but I think that the greatest lessons are to enjoy the people that are in your life and the furry animals too because they matter also.

[00:49:46] Life is very delicate. And that's the hardest thing to understand. We take things for granted all the time, and you can't do that. Every day you have to be, so grateful for all the blessings, even if they're small ones, or even if there aren't any. Because you just never know. You just don't know. So I try to be really mindful of all the blessings and the people that have been so good to me.

[00:50:15] You know what the best compliment is? When somebody actually wants to introduce me to somebody. I'm like, "That's a compliment." Because it means that they think enough about you that they want to introduce you to somebody that matters to them.

[00:50:28] Kate: Oh, for that we give a moment of gratitude to Mark Moyer who introduced us.

[00:50:32] Marnie: Yeah, Mark is the badass. He's awesome. Yeah.

[00:50:36] Kate: I've said this a few times. This show is a testament to this. The power of one introduction, one conversation, one person who sees you, one moment that can change your life, one person who believes in you, what that can mean. Because then who knows where I am or you are, whomever.

[00:50:58] I'm using us in as an example where it's just like, hey, Kate, someone has this opportunity. I think you'd be perfect. Hey, Marnie, I found someone who wants to start this new charity. It's right up-- that one conversation, you really can change the world. I know it sounds a little hokey, but that's what I'm trying to create here. And it is so important, our networks, that Mark thought to introduce us. And then we were like, "Oh my gosh, Mark. I love Kate. I love Marnie."

[00:51:24] And how special that is. And you're right. I don't take it for granted. And I think that's, I guess, the blessing of the people who don't treat you well, is you meet the people that really do genuinely care for you and they mean that much more and you will never take it for granted.

[00:51:39] Marnie: Because, again, people that squander things whether it's money relationships time, they got to go. They got to go. There's a Chinese proverb that says an ounce of gold cannot buy an inch of time.

[00:51:56] Kate: Ooh.

[00:51:57] Marnie: And I think about that a lot in my daily routine when I'm wasting time with whatever, because I do waste time. I procrastinate sometimes and I waste time and whatever, but that's just part of being a human being and just trying to get better at not wasting time with people that aren't going to be positive lights in your life. You just got to be careful as to where you put your time because our time is gold.

[00:52:24] Kate: It is. Have you let yourself let out the full amount of grief that you've recently experienced losing your fiancé?

[00:52:32] Marnie: I don't know. Maybe, maybe. Probably not. Grief is a weird thing because I want to have it. I'm embracing it all. But at the same time, I'm like, "What I am trying to do is to figure out ways to use that energy positively versus just sitting--" Do I have moments where I'm sad? Of course, because I'm a human being. I'm not a robot.

[00:53:00] But I don't want to get so stuck in sadness that I am a pathetic mess. Now, there are moments where I do feel sad, but I also know that is not going to help anybody. And people that are dead, they're not coming back. It's not going to make anybody come back. I miss a lot of people. I've had a lot of people that I've lost over the past three years, and my sadness isn't going to bring them back.

[00:53:31] And they wouldn't want us to be sad anyway. But what they would want us to do is find ways to continue to make a difference and to be healthy and to not stop talking about them because that's when they really are gone. My friend is in the military and they talk about this: people die twice, when the actual death happens and then when no one talks about that person.

[00:53:53] And that's the worst death. So for me, figuring out ways where I can do something to recognize this person, recognize Bill, do whatever, those are things that motivate me because that ultimately means that I'm healing myself, and that's all we can do.

[00:54:10] Kate: Yeah. And I think when we take all the things that we love about that person and live those characteristics and honor them in that way, then they get to live on through us and we feel their spirit and then they do come, whether we believe it or not or feel it or not. They're always around us, loving us and guiding us.

[00:54:27] Marnie: I believe in all of that stuff. I look for signs, and I see them, and I get them in fun little ways. And I'm like, "Oh, yeah."

[00:54:34] Kate: Yeah. This has been such a beautiful conversation, and I'm just so happy to know you and call you a friend and have you here on Rawish and share you and your books and your philanthropy and everything that you're doing to make the world just such a brighter place. You're such a light. Any final thought as we head out here?

[00:54:51] Marnie: Try to do something for other people. That is always my best way of feeling good about myself, whatever it is-- getting some toys for children that don't have anything or just finding something going and volunteering.

[00:55:05] Volunteering is always the best way to hard reset. That's what I always say. So definitely, I will be doing some of those things over the next couple weeks, and my grandfather would say, "Nothing's ever as good as it seems and nothing's ever as bad." And just kind of keep that balance right there and listen to your friends and be a good friend.

[00:55:24] Kate: Yeah. Thank you so much. This was such a joy. I just adore you. You're so wonderful. You're so wonderful. Thank you. And thanks to all of you for being here. We appreciate you. And we'll see you right back here next time on Rawish with Kate Eckman. Bye, everybody.